Breakfast is the meal of Nobody's.

That John Denver is full of shit if he says eating a healthy breakfast and all that stupid jazz starts your day off right.

I believe as much as the next dude that breakfast is easily the best meal of the deal, but don't tell me it's going to make or break my day. That's horseshit. Flat out.

Today, I had french toast, two cups of coffee, some goofy homefry combination and some sausage, you know where that got me? A handful of money less and a full stomach. That's it. The world didn't magnificantly change direction becuase I had some hashbrowns, okay? Nothing happened.

You see, becuase no matter what I eat, if somebody's tripping on qualudes and drives into me at 9:45, they were going to anyway. Doesn't matter what they ate, doesn't matter what I ate.

'When I was bored' Activity of the Day:
1. Came up with additional ways to bother my high school coworker by telling him all the dishes I would make out of his pet rabbits.

Other things I learned:
1. Referencing Schrodinger's cat-in-the-box physics in an article about Dustin Pedroia is why the Onion is way smarter than yours and mine fart joke humor.
2. No matter how many times I watch soaps, I never learn their names.
3. In pitch, if you get your four-bid with just Queen-6, your opponents will hate you.
4. The National League is underrated.
5. Small dick jokes are just the female version of "that's what she said" jokes. They're rarely funny.
6. Admitting to being a communist is a lot easier than being one.