Old Ladies Love Me

Let's not beat around the bush: old ladies love me.

It doesn't matter what I say or how I say it becuase they're always, always, always going to love me. You know how much they love you, their grandchild? They love me twice that. I don't know why, either. Because I don't love them at all. In fact, most of them, I would rather... nah I won't say it.

Okay, I will, because this is a truth-blog, about factual stuff and telling it straight like McCain... no straighter.

I would rather old ladies not love me at all. What'd you think I was going to say? Die? That's over the top.

Okay, okay. So old ladies, aren't that bad. They smell a little bit. They don't get laid... much. But I tell you, the thing I learned today, is that old ladies love to feel younger again. If you talk to them, and you're younger than they are, they're going to love you. You don't have to love them, just talk to them.

Sound painful? Not a chance. Whenever I run out of things to talk about (weather, bingo night, other old shit subjects), I turn to lying. I call one customer "Kathy from the bowling alley" and she loves it. You know her real name? Loretta. You know what she does? Not bowl, rather give driving lessons. You know what else she does? Love me. It doesn't matter to her if I'll ever remember her name, because I'm young, she's old and I'm talking to her.

'When I was bored' Activity the day:
1. Because the theme is old people, I tried to picture what they looked like young. Some people I just couldn't shake the old off of.

Subconscious things learned:
1. When it's a toss-up between a good pasta dinner at a chain restaurant and Taco-Bell, always ring the Bell.
2. No matter how busy my day is, I'll always have enough time to picture somebody naked.
3. Halloween may be a good excuse for chicks to dress like skanks, but it's an even better excuse for guys to politely say they'd like to see a chick dress like a skank.
4. This is the best online video I've ever seen. Theme line at 27 seconds in.
5. Word validation is out-of-control swervy sometimes.
6. Knockout drops (vt): drops of a solution of a drug (such as chloral hydrate) put into a drink to produce unconsciousness or stupefaction.