A $15 Gift Certificate to Hell

Pardon my rashness here, but gift certificates in Yankee Swaps are complete horsecock.

I was on the fence a couple days ago. I said to myself, "Well, there's still money involved. Somebody's still getting something of value. Blah, blah, blah." I might have thought it was a cop-out before, but today, as it stands, I think it's the worst thing you can bring to a swap.

I'm throwing everything in the mix too when I say it's the worst. I'm throwing used diapers, a shovel, hand-warmers, seven bottles of Tums, and any GNC product into the mix (Basically, I just looked at my desk, minus the diapers.).

The reason I boldly oppose the use of gift certificates is for many reasons. And this isn't funny. If you're laughing, I'll stab you. Don't bring gift certificates tomorrow or next year. I'd rather you bring a non-Christmas-celebrating, badgering Jehovah's witness to my Yankee Swap.

Here are my reasons:

1. If two people bring a gift certificate, one will ultimately have one dollar amount, while the other has a lower dollar amount, thus eliminating the whole purpose of Yankee Swaps - the swapping. Why would you swap a $15 gift card to Dunkin before a $20 card to Applebee's if you didn't have rabies?

2. It eliminates the whole fun of Yankee Swaps. You want to open something and say, "What is this? And will I use it more than the Waffle Iron Bill has?" Having weird, random, yet useful stuff at Yankee Swaps is the fun. Put the time into your day to go to Job Lot.

3. It shows you went out and saw an easy way. Even the dude that brought the bottle of Whiskey as a swap-gift looks more creative.

4. Nobody is ever going to say, "Remember last year when Tina brought the gift certificate to Cold Stone. I used it in July, when it was actually warm enough to have ice cream."

5. The thought this time really doesn't matter. Because usually it means you were at least thinking the person might find it useful or eats or whatever, but this time you didn't buy for a specific person. So there wasn't too much thoughtfulness involved.

What I mulled over today while in Target, while my mother looked over the same picture frame for ten minutes, put it back, only to keep it finally:
Thought about how much more awesome being in my house would be.

Other usually random information that pushes very important information out:
1. Rob Lowe either shops at Target in Lincoln, or I'm just an asshole for asking.
2. The Yankees are using drug money to buy players.
3. Don't believe what you hear, Diet Coke Plus is a scam. FDA says nutritional value is wrong.
4. Movies are slowly becoming worse and worse, and I know I sound like an old geez, but its true. Just look at the trailer for Marley and Me with Owen Wilson.
5. The 12 things I hate about Christmas song sucks. No easy way to say it.
6. Holiday cards are a joke. Does anybody do anything other than hang them up and never look at them?