Christmas songs. Let's talk about them.
When is too early for Christmas songs? January 2.
When is it ever inappropriate for a Christmas song? At a Jewish funeral.
If reindeer trampling my grandma to death is okay, dogs barking an entire song is okay, and so is the song about Santa banging a hot MILF in suburbia, then what isn't okay to hear in a Christmas song? A song with Vern Troyer auditions to be an elf in a quasi-well-directed porn.
Is there anybody that doesn't play air-guitar to Trans-Siberian Orchestra? That's rhetorical. I know everyone does it.
When is it safe to say Christmas songs have jumped the shark? When Guitar Hero: Rockin' Christmas comes out.
Tell me one good Kwanzaa song and I'll start saying Holiday music. Do it.
What would be worse than hearing the 12 days of Christmas song on the radio? The 2,000 days of Hanukah song. Or better yet, the 30 days of fasting song about Rammadan.
Thing I did while bored recently:
Tried to create my own disastrous Ethan Frome-like love triangle.
Additional info about my life that nobody cares about, yet remembers, brings up in conversation and, ultimately, refers to as much funnier than anything else I write in this blog:
1. I know this is in the too-much-information file, but so is everything on here. Since I've cut out fried foods and soda from my diet, my shit no longer floats.
When is too early for Christmas songs? January 2.
When is it ever inappropriate for a Christmas song? At a Jewish funeral.
If reindeer trampling my grandma to death is okay, dogs barking an entire song is okay, and so is the song about Santa banging a hot MILF in suburbia, then what isn't okay to hear in a Christmas song? A song with Vern Troyer auditions to be an elf in a quasi-well-directed porn.
Is there anybody that doesn't play air-guitar to Trans-Siberian Orchestra? That's rhetorical. I know everyone does it.
When is it safe to say Christmas songs have jumped the shark? When Guitar Hero: Rockin' Christmas comes out.
Tell me one good Kwanzaa song and I'll start saying Holiday music. Do it.
What would be worse than hearing the 12 days of Christmas song on the radio? The 2,000 days of Hanukah song. Or better yet, the 30 days of fasting song about Rammadan.
Thing I did while bored recently:
Tried to create my own disastrous Ethan Frome-like love triangle.
Additional info about my life that nobody cares about, yet remembers, brings up in conversation and, ultimately, refers to as much funnier than anything else I write in this blog:
1. I know this is in the too-much-information file, but so is everything on here. Since I've cut out fried foods and soda from my diet, my shit no longer floats.
2. Emeril can say anything and people will clap.
3. My roommate was right, Pringle's new Select Bold Crunch Southwestern BBQ chips are bad breath in a bag.
4. Sabastian Bach wears shirts with his name on it. I know that's pathetic, but somehow I'm jealous of that.
5. A slice of pizza is 272 calories and a bagel is 289. How much I care is 0 percent. All amounts based on a 2000 calorie diet.
6. Mark Twain, Or Samuel L. Clemens, didn't publish Huckleberry Finn until he was 48.
7. Peeing while sitting down is actually not that bad.
7. Peeing while sitting down is actually not that bad.
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