Writing one hour behind.

I will not turn my clocks forward or back. My cell phone, fine. My computer, okay. Those are set up to the internuts and satellites (yes, the same satellites from the Dave Matthews song). I can't do anything about those. But my car, no way. Time will come back to me. It makes me feel powerful and god-like.

For the past couple years, I've disobeyed daylight savings time (DST) and I haven't been shot in the head by a sniper yet. It's weird. I haven't walked into my car to see the clock adjusted, and when I put my key into the ignition the car didn't explode. I'm holding my breath.

You know DST was only put in to help farmers and retailers with the minute exchange? Basically, we gave an extra hour of sunlight so those jerkoffs at the kiosks in the mall could barrage us with fliers and new cell phone plans.

Half the world doesn't even use DST. A quarter of the world never used it. And by half of the world I include myself. What are people doing with their extra time? Watching internet porn. That's what.

When are we going to stand up for ourselves? When are we going to tell the higherups that we're mad as hell and we're not going to let you turn our clocks back and forward anymore!

And don't tease us with this extra light bullshit. You know you're just going to take it all away in November, when we're cold, depressed and eating baked beans straight out of a can.

Most of Americans don't grow corn or wheat on the prairie. We may prairie dog, but we don't have one. So leave our clocks alone. And our cocks, leave our cocks alone. Scramble the letters DST anyway you want, and we don't want them. Whether its DST, STD or TDS (testicular dysgenesis syndrome: I don't know what it is, but it doesn't sound fun just by the name).

Just leave us alone already.


Serious question of the week. This is serious, okay? So answer truthfully.
How come it's called teeing off in golf? You tee up, but you don't tee off. Is it becuase whacking off would be inappropriate? Becuase, truthfully, its more like whacking than anything else.


The pig pen of my day:
1. It goes without saying that the kid from the Mount golf team with huge cans is a dude. I'm not going to post about a 16-year old girl on a golf team with exquisite breasticles.
2. I've listened to the new Mastodon over 30 times already. 6-7 times already this week. My bosses are not happy with my music selection.
3. I will not run out of ways to describe this bottom list.
4. I like dropping mom-jokes on little kids when playing Call of Duty 4, mainly because they have to see their mom everyday and tell her the meatloaf is delicious.
5. The only deoderant I trust is Old Spice Red Zone.
6. Con-Air, no matter how you cut it, is an absolutely awful movie with a lot of awesome action movie-type stuff.
7. I shouldn't say "awesome" to a random guy when not listening and he just so happens to be telling me about a house burning down and dogs being inside. (1) I should be listening. (2) I should "yea" and "uh huh". (3) I should pretend to care a lot better.