Bud Light Presents: Mr. Really Overtly Nervous Pot-hole Avoiding Asshole in '97 Buick.
This one is for you, oh, avoider of sewer caps.
You carelessly swerve into on-coming traffic to save your pristine 150,000 mile shitbox effortlessly.
Mr. Really Overtly Nervous Pothole Avoider.
Your '97 Buick not only has the shocks of a Big Wheels, but it also has the rims to prove you don't mess around with car accessories.
So, crack open a cold Bud Light! Cause this one is for you.
Serious, yet thoughtful, Moment of Thanksgiving:
As I drove down Route 18 in New Bedford today I was given the meaning of Thanksgiving in a singular moment. I had woken up at seven, by the same alarm clock song I've been listening to for 90 days ("I could have lied" by Red Hot Chili Peppers), on just around four hours of sleep. I went to a shitty high school football game, missed cutting mean turkey farts with my family, and was starving. That's when I passed a homeless dude walking through the parking lot of an abandoned mill. I realized how lucky I am to have a family to go home to on Thanksgiving, a job or two in these tough times, and a place to call home. I thanked God for giving me all this and said a prayer for the man. That shit just hits me sometimes and I hope it hits you.
Other Random, non-serious, brain-junk I learned:
1. You know how people say, "There's nothing better than a brand-new, fresh pair of socks?" Well, there is. A brand-new pair of socks that have "L" and "R" telling you which sock belongs on which foot. That's better.
This one is for you, oh, avoider of sewer caps.
You carelessly swerve into on-coming traffic to save your pristine 150,000 mile shitbox effortlessly.
Mr. Really Overtly Nervous Pothole Avoider.
Your '97 Buick not only has the shocks of a Big Wheels, but it also has the rims to prove you don't mess around with car accessories.
So, crack open a cold Bud Light! Cause this one is for you.
Serious, yet thoughtful, Moment of Thanksgiving:
As I drove down Route 18 in New Bedford today I was given the meaning of Thanksgiving in a singular moment. I had woken up at seven, by the same alarm clock song I've been listening to for 90 days ("I could have lied" by Red Hot Chili Peppers), on just around four hours of sleep. I went to a shitty high school football game, missed cutting mean turkey farts with my family, and was starving. That's when I passed a homeless dude walking through the parking lot of an abandoned mill. I realized how lucky I am to have a family to go home to on Thanksgiving, a job or two in these tough times, and a place to call home. I thanked God for giving me all this and said a prayer for the man. That shit just hits me sometimes and I hope it hits you.
Other Random, non-serious, brain-junk I learned:
1. You know how people say, "There's nothing better than a brand-new, fresh pair of socks?" Well, there is. A brand-new pair of socks that have "L" and "R" telling you which sock belongs on which foot. That's better.
2. I like taking control of a conversation when the other party clearly doesn't want to talk. See: any clerk in the Providence Place Mall.
3. Apparently, when I get drunk, I use 90 percent less dick and cock jokes. That's shocking to me.
4. You can tame a little kid by looking him in the eye and telling him he's going to grow up and be a nobody.
5. Mortal Kombat is still fun at 25 years old.
6. Lassie was one hell of a dog.
7. I would, once, once love to see a high school version of Lawrence Taylor button-hook a quarterback Joe Theisman style. I would love that.
8. I'm capable of a serious moment every now and again.
4. You can tame a little kid by looking him in the eye and telling him he's going to grow up and be a nobody.
5. Mortal Kombat is still fun at 25 years old.
6. Lassie was one hell of a dog.
7. I would, once, once love to see a high school version of Lawrence Taylor button-hook a quarterback Joe Theisman style. I would love that.
8. I'm capable of a serious moment every now and again.
1 comment:
Justin,
Lassie WAS one hell of a dog! Haha. It is 3:20am and I bursted laughing when I read that...just how you put it...I can't explain it. I too enjoy MK, even at 22...though I am younger and maybe should, but only by a few years! I miss Sonic the Hedge Hog, Mortal Kombat, and the one with the trucks...that one...
It is nice to hear you appreciate your life. You are completely right about all points you made. It is nice to see you realized it...or always did, but just had another moment causing you to appreciate more.
I feel the same way about conversations with sale people - some anyway. I do not want to work in retail again, but know I am one hell of a gal...I talk more than more of them...more personality...
Happy belated Thanksgiving**
Great blog...so glad you decided to create this!
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