Losing My Car

My dear 5-year-old sweet Silver Bullet, will you ever forgive me?

I may have named you after a trashy beer, but I never expected you to get hit by somebody that looked like she had a few.

It was icy. I understand and you don't deserve what you're going through. You should have your owner by your side.

You see, you didn't do anything wrong and you get punished. It's not like you came out and hit that moving car. You were parked and that's what makes me so upset. You could be perfectly happy right now; enjoying my loud music, hot coffee spills and being used as my dirty clothes hamper, but, no, you're locked up in an unheated garage in West Warwick, of all places.

West Warwick. What a shithole.

I know you miss your owner, and I miss you too.

I've had my share of shit stacked high too. I have to deal with these customer service people, two insurance companies, a rental car company. Did you know how many times I was asked to hold? A thousand.

"Your street, sir?"
Cottage.
"Ok. Please hold."
two seconds later.
"Your city, sir?"
Woonsocket.
"Okay. Pleeeeeease hold."
two seconds later.
"Zip code?"
"02895"
"Ok. Can you hold for me?"

That's not fun. Nor is cheating on you with another car. Sure, the Dodge Avenger has a much better name than Civic, and may have a V6, and satellite radio built in, and a more stylish look to it, but it's not you, Silver Bullet. I may be driving some more beautiful than you, but I'm not replacing you. You know you do things to me that no other car can replicate. Plus, we all know it's not cheating if you're in a different zip code.

I miss you and I can't wait to have you back. That's a fact.

But before I have you back, though, I'm going to need to hold. Can you hold?

While I was bored:
Played a new 3-on-3 NHL game for the Xbox 360. Very fun. swoosh.

Supplemental shit that doesn't earn me supplemental CASH:
1. My barber pats my hair, on an average, 79 times. He also takes a 45-minutes to cut it.
2. When I was going to Grove St. Elementary, the spiked haircut was the shit. Nothing was better. Now, Grove St. Elementary is luxary apartments and every tenant sports a fauxhawk. Whats-the-world-coming-too Moment No. 200! Dynasty.
3. Triple chocolate chip muffins continue to baffle me, but I will continue my investigation. I hope that by 2012 - or type-2 diabetes - I can close the case of the triple-chocolate chip muffin.
4. With a slight rip of Chappelle's Show's skit "The Mad Real World", where one white dude is thrown in with a house-full of black people, I'd like to make another version, using the current as my backdrop. It'd be a house-full of transvestites and just one very straight, homophobic dude.
5. Karaoke can't be fun unless the crazy people sing. So stop shaking your head.
6. Not many Xbox 360's work for too long.
7. I'll say it: Rihanna shouldn't have opened her mouth. I don't care. Jay Z doesn't read my blog.