Only you can prevent people from wearing stupid-looking boots

Today is the day I warn the general public about a serious epidemic spreading across the greater Northeast: UGGly boots.

I don't care if you wear them, this isn't for you; your brain failed you the moment you saw these over-priced, unfashionable footwear and thought you could be more popular with them. I can't reason with you. You're already a lost cause.

What I can reason with, however, is the on-the-fence-of-a-ridiculous-purchase-people. I'm here for you. We can get through this.

Yes. We. Can.

This is an epidemic and it is seriously sweeping away mine and your best friends, family members and the Olsen twins. They're lining up at salad bars and the 12-items or less line at the supermarket. They're in your bathroom and in your pantry. They're in your dreams kicking snow and sledding down Dead Man's Hill.

Don't go down Dead Man's Hill with them!

You see, you wouldn't put a brown paper bag over your feet would you? I wouldn't. You wouldn't. Now, what if I said that brown paper bag might be legitimately warm, unquestionably ugly, and coming in at a whopping $250 cash.

That's drug money. You don't have drug money do you? I know I don't and if I did I wouldn't drop a portion of it for a brown paper bag.

I'd also like to point out something else. Look outside. Take a good look. In your front yard is there a sled with, let's say, 16 Alaskan huskies? Is there, perhaps, over two feet of snow?

No? Oh, that's probably because you don't live in the Yukon or are participating in the Iditarod. Hey! Seeing that you don't live there, you probably shouldn't dress like you do. The Yukon isn't that cool. On Planet Earth there was nothing about people in the Yukon sipping on mocha lattes and asking Bret Bretterson to the prom. They don't even know who Barack Obama is. How can you be cool and not know Barack?

And I'm not even going to get into the folks that wear these furry, calf-high boots with skirts. That's another story for another time.

So, folks who are on the fringe of minor mental retardation, don't waste your cash to look like an extra in Willow.

And by all means if you have a friend questioning whether or not they'll look ridiculous in a pair of unfashionable boots, help them out. Friends don't let friends look stupid. It's a law.

While bored:
Looked at my laundry pile up.

Feeble attempts at humor:
1. I frequently call friend's babies/nephews/kids, "it" instead of he or she/him or her. When I do call them him or her, I choose the opposite sex. The parents don't really enjoy that.
2. Dick's sporting goods store never has your size shoe.
3. Tall people should be working really hard to not look goofy. You stick out more than us short people. Work on being a little coordinated, else be smacked in the head with a snowball. By all means, don't dance.
4. Writing checks don't necessarily make you an adult. Oddly enough, bouncing checks does.
5. It wouldn't be Cambridge if a student-made indie film wasn't being shown on a projector in a bar at 11:00pm.
6. Obama should've been given a better welcoming to the White House than Michael Jordan used to in Chicago.