You're middle aged and not cool, gramps.

If there's one vehicular companion I could do without it is most definitely bikers. Emphatically too.

I said it. What's going to happen? Nothing. You wanna know why?

Because it's too nice of a day for them to get off their bikes and not have the wind blowing through their hair. That's why.

I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining about motorcyclists or bikers. I just want to point out some discrepancies within the subculture we've pandered to for the latter part of this decade.

I'm done pandering.

First off, I don't get the whole hand waving thing they do. Have you seen this? When they're riding, if they see another guy on a motorcycle coming up (and it doesn't matter what kind of bike, so long as its on two wheels with a motor), they're inclined to wave. The other guy, or gal, depending on how you look at it, waves back.

This is really funny to me because one time within the last two weeks (our last sunny day, probably), a guy continuously waved at dudes. Then he got two in a row by surprise. He successfully waved at one then put his hand down, only to see one more. He threw the hand out again, but lost balance of the bike and ended up swerving. After that he'd get waves, but he wouldn't wave back. It was great and almost the greatest moment of my life.

I get chuckles wondering what I'd be like trying to help the man after he did that. I hope to god I'd be able to control my laughter and excitement to be able to help him out.

I'm not a prick (for the most part) and I'd like to think I'd understand the situation, but being polite is one thing and this hand-waving thing is something I have yet to understand. If those two people were walking down Main Street, Woonsocket, neither would have the friendliness to give a wave. They're more likely to not even look at each other than throw a wave.

The other part of this is that when I wave to motorcyclists, they won't wave back. Well, what the hell is wrong with my Honda? Don't we have something in common too? Human? Low mileage? Both have faces?

Another thing, and this may be nitpicking, but let's say perhaps you're on a dumpy ass wanna-be chopper with a couple buddies and you see a yard sale. You're not interested, but your nagging-ass wife grasping for dear life really wants to see what this crappy-ass yard sale has to offer.

Now, there are several things to point out in this highly probably event.

1. You're not hardcore if your wife is on your chopper with you.
2. The two guys you ride with are going to be pissed off you're making them wait because of a yard sale.
3. The table your manly wife has picked out can't be thrown anywhere on your bike, and when you come back in two hours, the table will be gone.
4. In two years, you'll figure out your wife is seeing the friends you ride with.

Here's a list of other things you can't do with a motorcycle:
1. Stuff the trunk with bodies.
2. Have a hot coffee between your legs.
3. Make sweet, sweet love to woman in the backseat.
4. Have demolition derbies.
5. Rent.
6. See an actual deer give the classic deer-in-the-headlights look. They're simply not scared of your two wheels.

The last thing I want to point out is that because you ride a bike, you're not suddenly a really hot shot, gun slinging, huge cock sporting, living-on-the-edge Hell's Angel.

I understand you have something to prove, to somebody. That's okay. You're not automatically Chuck Norris or the really jacked Asian dude from Blood Sport. You have to earn some respect. I see guys all the time acting tough, then I'll see them bringing the communion plate up for mass.

Maybe when it comes down to it, you're more adventurous than me and my Civic, but I prefer two extra wheels to get me where I need to go. I can listen to music, roll the windows down and still get that wind going through my hair.


Other thoughts I probably wish I hadn't thought of:
1. Nobody is more glad to see my four-week intensive obsession with chicken pot pie go more than me.
2. Most advertisements undoubtedly work on me simply because I can't stop making fun of them.
3. That's twenty straight posts with the word "undoubtedly" in it.
4. The asian dude from Iron Chef America is the wildest character on television going. The way he says the secret ingredient and "alla cuisine" is completely comical. They even added whip-like sounds for when he turns his head. You can't make that show any better.
5. I don't have a timetable for the next time I post, but I am for sure taking a much needed siesta. 7 in 7 was successful and at times a chore, but I pulled it off. There were a lot of naysayers, and I have to say, I surprised myself. I think I achieved my goal in showing you that I don't prepare anything I write on here and that I'll literally write about anything at any time.
6. For the second time in a week, I've sat down on the toilet without the lid on. It was so cold.
7. The other day I walked, talked and did everything with my boxers on backwards, only to find out way late at night.